what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
