i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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