Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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