Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
