If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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