My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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