Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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