I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
