your parents love me but you hate me
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
