also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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