Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
