96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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