I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
