dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
pop tarts are not kleenex
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
