I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
