i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
