I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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