Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Randomize
