is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
