My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
