Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
