filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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