gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
