you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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