You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
zippers are such a cool invention
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
