why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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