i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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