Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
