I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
