oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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