At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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