he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
