My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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