I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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