I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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