I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
