are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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