cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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