shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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