I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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