Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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