Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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