he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
