apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
