Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
