The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
