I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
