This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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