I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
