They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
