as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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