Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
