If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
