WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
