Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
