he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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