He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
